I looked to the slowly swinging pendulum as it chimed the midnight hour, dragging on and on, bringing me one step closer to my end. I stare at myself in the mirror, pallid skin that stretched and protested under every movement, gaunt cheekbones that barley held the portrait of my face.
I was small, much smaller than I'd ever been. Often I would stand in face of my reflection, marveling at my body's own incompetence. I'd never been able to comprehend how my very being ended up tearing me down in my prime.
Once I stood tall, proud and strong with the world on my shoulders and life in the palm of my hand, but now reduced to shambles, all but destroyed.
Denial, that was my main drive at first. Denial pushed me along the motions and forced me back into the gym to train for the next fight, but I could feel everything getting harder and harder, slowly backing out of reach and ability.
It's terrifying really, to watch the instrument of your successes and life accomplishments become ties that b