ToNyEmBlEy

Slowly drowning.
Every breath slower than the last.
I wonder about time.
Pulling every gasp.

A dragging downfall.
A dip lower than the last.
Never finding purchase.
Until I pass.

An unassuming roughshod.
A subtle inquisition.
Through my eyes.
Stunning disposition.

Life is unconcerned.
Not with lowly volition.
I am not important.
Outside coalition.

So I go to face it.
My unending doom.
I'll sit smiling.
In a burning room.

-ToNyEmBlEy

I've been thinking about life lately. Nothing really stands out. Maybe I'm just boring -I am- or maybe life SEEMS boring. 

Have you ever felt trapped in your own skin? Like you're bound to too many things. To your job, your schedule, your life. I wish I had a little more freedom. I wish I could pursue the goals I have freely. In the end I just want a free ride, I guess.

I hate that everything you want as always too many dollar signs away. I don't mean materialistic things like a car or TV or piece of unnecessary furniture. For instance, one of my long-term goals in life is to start a publishing company aimed at young writers so that I could give them an up-front and fair deal.

But that requires money I don't have (and will never have). Money for the education, the startup, then the upkeep and maintenance.

This journal is starting to ramble, but I just hate the fact the currency is the ruling factor of life. I wish things could be different.

The hearts of men are unwilling though. And I doubt we will ever find that kind of harmony in this world. Mankind is too greedy and ungrateful.

I look at myself in the mirror, I see a stranger with the same face. How can someone change so much? I'm not saying the changes are for better or worse, I just can't comprehend how a few years and doses of life can make a sixteen year old boy so pessimistic about life that when he tries to look at his future, he sees himself failing.

Am I really that positive, weather subconsciously or not, that I'm going nowhere in life? I have goals and I have dreams, but will I ever reach them or get the chance to fulfill them?

I feel like I'm breaking the promises I made to MYSELF. Every future that I hold dear just seems so far and unrealistic that dreaming of them sounds foolish. That even pursuing them is just a waste of time.

I don't know, I'm just rambling again. Don't mind me.